3am

the world is a strange place to open your ears to at 3am...

i hear police sirens blaring, screaming for non-existent cars to pull aside while it charges home to the police station a stone's throw away for a night of well-deserved rest.

i hear the occasional cars speeding down Genesee Ave at 90mph, hoping not to meet the rare police siren heading home.

i hear pandora's music genome project, cooing soft coldplay-esque tunes to my tired ears.

i hear my brain twist and turn over green syncytial gonads and green spermatheca and disappointingly non-green embryos.

i hear my much-celebrated gentle snores sweeping away my worries sometime after 2am...

i hear sudden urgent tones rushing through my consciousness, announcing the start to a bright new day. its week 8, friday. time warps in your sleep.

only that i realize its not friday. well it IS friday. but its NOT friday!

im tired. spare me. i barely left the lab for 2 hrs. absence makes the heart grow colder. even the strongest heart needs to rest sometimes. and i need that break, right now.

sleepless at 3am is tough. especially when your sleeping schedule is as screwed up as mine. imagine oversleeping a 12pm class!

blah blah cahci blah claj ckah .m j cd........

The Story of Slimderalla

(click on image to proceed to next frame)

and this Rate Your Students blog is interesting too.

in response to your tots....

the thing abt being a senior is that you play so much you forget that you are still a senior, not a graduate. you start skipping classes becuz u come home late and dead tired every night. your midterm grades start snowboarding down the rainshadow, threatening the fragile honors that ebbs behind a big red F-king administrative mistake. you watch as nicks turn from "last week of classes!" to "one more day...", "last finals" to "time to play!!!!!". you check your calendar, wondering when you can get home before midnight, drunk and sexed instead of ligated and transformed. you hear abt sungod and dont remember seeing drunk undergraduates running around naked, and then realize that you shld stop running ard the PCR machine and run into that soap foam fountain at price center instead. well, undergrad life is about playing, enjoying life... im not so sure abt the going thru girls like snap part. i wish the old man had bought me that jose cuervo earlier though: i could have had babes dropping like flies sooner.

i miss the freedom of time. of huddling in bed with a gd book, floating in the ocean staring at the sky, discussing intensely abt smoothness with old men and women. i miss the nightwalks along lj shores, grapevining abt everyone, life and stars. i miss the cloning that always works. i miss having lots of close frens around me, always someone i can talk to. i miss the 2 hr "family" dinners at 9705#C1, complaining abt the same few issues abt the same few pple. i miss watching entire dorama series in a weekend. i miss driving alone, listening to a blaring radio. i miss being the insightful thinker, with blog entries that rhythm and trace, the frank emotions that leaks thru my fingers that hangs for all to see.

i hate being the nice guy who is always sacrificed: i hate watching movies from the front rows. i hate making conversation with pple i couldnt care less abt. i hate being on death row. i hate harboring high hopes thats not fulfilled. i hate feeling lonely. i hate having stupid awkward pple ard me. i hate putting others before myself when im prioritized behind others (rare occasion is not an excuse). i hate myself for being a shy and stupid person. i hate myself for having short memories. i hate having nothing happening to do when all is ready to go crazy. i hate igoogle for so few updates when i have so much time to read abt all the significant nothings in the world.

i want to have random english/american girls sing to me, cook for me, give me massages and pamper me in a surreal lodge-style log cabin surrounded by creeks and snow capped mountains. i want to have witty conversations with witty pple who doesn't feel like they are superior or inferior to me. i want to have no doubts abt my love for my S.O. i want to be a smooth and witty man. i want to have a fantastic poster.

im still inspired by the stupid F-grade essay i wrote for CAT. i heard its in the latest class reader to be criticized by TAs for being typically pessimistic. im wondering if i shld post it along with my grad sch applications. im waiting for GRE Biochemistry results, due out this week or next. im afraid of being told that 5% of all students are more brilliant than me. im saying this even though i know that 15% can do standardized tests better than me.

i sometimes fear that i lost the edge for writing random crap that means so much but reads like nothing. i think that if im the last person alive ill go crazy. i apologize for the minute plagiarism/inspiration involved above.

cheers, week 87 of 90. sungod iii.

Big Red Button Disasters

these big red button stories are hilarious.

http://ask.slashdot.org/article.pl?sid=07/05/09/1937218&from=rss
http://www.hactrn.net/sra/vaxen.html

sorry, but im a geek at heart... ;-)

A Rape in Cyberspace

(Or TINYSOCIETY, and How to Make One)

Chapter One of Julian Dibbell's My Tiny Life, 1998.

They say he raped them that night. They say he did it with a cunning little doll, fashioned in their image and imbued with the power to make them do whatever he desired. They say that by manipulating the doll he forced them to have sex with him, and with each other, and to do horrible, brutal things to their own bodies. And though I wasn't there that night, I think I can assure you that what they say is true, because it all happened right in the living room -- right there amid the well-stocked bookcases and the sofas and the fireplace -- of a house I came later to think of as my second home.

(read more)
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a very good observation of the mass (social) psyche, nicely written. good, PoliSci-kinda read. not particularly insightful, but what more need we say about the strange creature we call society? also brings back memories of the bygone days of alamak and mIRC chat. sMiLeZ...

09-f9-11-02-9δ-74-e3-5β-δ8 -41-56-cS-63-56-88-c0

digg went crazy last night with a open revolt by the user community. i initially thought digg was pwned and defaced by hackers. but yeh, their actions felt so refreshing and liberating. but no, i didnt take part (i dont even have a digg account). but others' attitudes were clear as some sites posted the hex code openly (wired, /.) but others deleted them (doom9, fark, register, news outlets etc). i say, u go get 'em boys. MPAA may not survive the digg or /. effect, but i sure hope that digg survives the MPAA effect. :p