"life is beautiful"
summer was supposed to be a season of eternal sunshine, endless beaches, warm winds and pretty babes. "life is beautiful". full of love and joy. the wind should tell of ceaseless laughters and exciting interests, making fun hay while the sun still shines...
with no burden of schwork, this was supposed to be the season of fun and total immersion in fulfilling research. how often do we hear ourselves complaining that schwork is distracting us from spending all our time in the lab to accomplish something significant? yet, ive been in this new lab for more than a month now, with nothing to show for it. summer ends in another month, and the full load of headless hectic rushes promises to come back with double the vengence of sophomore/junior year.
a quick look at my 'To-Do's for this summer: CAT Essay due end of Fall quarter, studying and TAing for Metabolic Biochemistry, preparing for darling's upcoming birthday, planning for Winter Trip 2006 - Mexico etc, i can only feel a much more immense pressure than usual to actually finish everything on time and decently. but yet, i feel so helpless now that i dont have the confidence to complete any of the above satisfactorily.
and total immersion in research only yields total frustration, as many other undergrads in research labs can tell you. although this experience is probably more common than i would believe myself, i cant help but cast doubt on my effectiveness as a researcher if i cant even conduct an experiment based on vendors' protocols and achieve some results.
one month. its that watershed between what some would consider a long time and others a short time. but its hundreds of hours on nights and weekends already spent, and its all i have left before my current 60+ hour weeks are reduced to 15 hour weeks. and there's tons of classes on my upcoming schedule for fall 2006 for which i have no idea how the dices will fall.
"life is beautiful" - as some highly successful individuals would like us all to believe. perhaps if i was reborn with a sharper mind and nimbler fingers. or perhaps learning to savour life's bitterness is part of the beauty. if you cant change the world, change yourself (and your expectations).
perhaps. i can learn to see the beauty in this world too.
p/s: i know that i have had little time to spend with my darling ever since we parted in SD. i can only say sorry and hope my baby will bear with me over this painful summer (and most likely beyond). thank you. :*
with no burden of schwork, this was supposed to be the season of fun and total immersion in fulfilling research. how often do we hear ourselves complaining that schwork is distracting us from spending all our time in the lab to accomplish something significant? yet, ive been in this new lab for more than a month now, with nothing to show for it. summer ends in another month, and the full load of headless hectic rushes promises to come back with double the vengence of sophomore/junior year.
a quick look at my 'To-Do's for this summer: CAT Essay due end of Fall quarter, studying and TAing for Metabolic Biochemistry, preparing for darling's upcoming birthday, planning for Winter Trip 2006 - Mexico etc, i can only feel a much more immense pressure than usual to actually finish everything on time and decently. but yet, i feel so helpless now that i dont have the confidence to complete any of the above satisfactorily.
and total immersion in research only yields total frustration, as many other undergrads in research labs can tell you. although this experience is probably more common than i would believe myself, i cant help but cast doubt on my effectiveness as a researcher if i cant even conduct an experiment based on vendors' protocols and achieve some results.
one month. its that watershed between what some would consider a long time and others a short time. but its hundreds of hours on nights and weekends already spent, and its all i have left before my current 60+ hour weeks are reduced to 15 hour weeks. and there's tons of classes on my upcoming schedule for fall 2006 for which i have no idea how the dices will fall.
"life is beautiful" - as some highly successful individuals would like us all to believe. perhaps if i was reborn with a sharper mind and nimbler fingers. or perhaps learning to savour life's bitterness is part of the beauty. if you cant change the world, change yourself (and your expectations).
perhaps. i can learn to see the beauty in this world too.
p/s: i know that i have had little time to spend with my darling ever since we parted in SD. i can only say sorry and hope my baby will bear with me over this painful summer (and most likely beyond). thank you. :*
2 Comments:
maybe i'm not suited for research. i get the feeling that researchers are probably of a different breed when i read marie curie's biography.
yes, perhaps the selection criteria which picked us out of the pool was painfully ignorant of what it takes to be a good researcher. sometimes i kid myself that virtues like patience and perserverance are more impt to successful research than intelligence, though no doubt there shld be at least a hint of intelligence in you.
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