Wednesday, July 05, 2006

promise, n.

A declaration or assurance made to another person with respect to the future, stating that one will do, or refrain from, some specified act, or that one will give or bestow some specified thing.
- Source: OED, 2nd Edition, 1989

someone made me a promise today. a simple promise, written in black ink on paper.

im debating whether i should chuck that slip of paper out with my trash, for a promise that doesnt stick is not worth keeping. i dont have a habit of keeping useless things around me.

several promises were made before. all were broken without much thought to it (or so i think). i wonder what a promise means to her. something i can trust my life on? or merely a casual cliched idiom, simply used too often?

so i tried to test the strength of a promise, by objectifying the last promise she made me into a bet. i hedged a 5x win ratio with a starting bet worth ~USD 200. regretfully, i won.

im debating whether to demand my fair winnings back, even if it causes financial strains on her. i never had selfish aims throughout the process - i dont intend to keep the proceeds to myself.

for the time being, yes, i will. the details for the lay out, which i hadn't the time to put forth, goes this way: i, for one, will get my bet back. the remaining 5x worth of the bet will go towards any 5 of the 4 guys and 2 girls she deems helped her the most in the past 3 years. this, i hope, serves as a symbolic gesture to remind her of the anguish and disappointment that she, knowingly or not, had caused the entire group. the recipients may not like this arrangement, but i demand it of her. the products of the promise may dust, rust and rot in the drawers of the various recipients, i dont really care.

she who causes the pain, must receive it.

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