if i think different, i will still speak...

If all mankind minus one, were of one opinion, and only one person were of the contrary opinion, mankind would be no more justified in silencing that one person, than he, if he had the power, would be justified in silencing mankind.
- John Stuart Mill, On Liberty

the development of randomtots seem to have drifted considerably from its original startup motto of "I think, therefore I am". this quote from Mill only serves to remind me of the dire lack in thinking that I've been doing recently. My favourite topics, On Life, On Love, On People and On Society, seem to have taken a backseat to my current thesis at this time, On Science, On Grades and On Survival.

frankly, six courses is really such an overload that im lacking the time to do any in depth reading and thinking abt the issues that im covering in my classes, from power, justice and society at large to racial, gender and nationality issues to cultural and even biology issues. im barely doing enough to continue the classes.

学而不思则惘，思而不学则怠。i worry for my education.
but i wonder if i can promise myself now: never again.

自己紹介

しつれいですがじこしょうかいさせていただきます。

カリフォルニヤだいがくサンヂエゴどののコーです。シンガポールのしゅっしんです。せんごうはせえぶつがくです。にねんせいです。

よるしくおねがいします。

もういしど。

失礼ですが自己紹介させていただきます。カリフォルニヤ大学サンヂエゴ校のコーです。シンガポールの出身です。専攻は生物学。二年生です。英語と中国語と日本語お話します。

どうぞよるしく。

the fragile internet

we all take the internet for granted, and only realise the fragility when its broken.

not sure how many pple know, the internet is actually extremely disorganised. it simply consists of many separate servers run by a whole gamut of companies, each linked to another by ethernet cable, fibre optic cables to the deep sea kind (that link continents together). theoretically with the graph theory, u can take out any link since theres always another path from one node to another. but reality is there are bigger pipes and smaller ones. when the big pipes disappear its almost as good as gone.

level 3, a major backbone linking up major ISPs inside US and to europe as well seems to be down for the past 2 hours. webcamming was horrid as latency couldnt be maintained. msn and skype just kept dying and dying and dying... some sites were not accessible, or were intermittent. like zdnet.co.uk (based in uk) and logmein (prob hosted too tightly to L3). and there are so few sites offering information on the network status.

i call sbc dsl tech line to complain and hope they are doing sth abt it (they can reroute traffic around broken connections). but the low life tech prob dont know what im talking abt.

its time for the big boys to earn their keep. FIX MY INTERNET!!!

4.38am on a Wednesday morning...

yawnz. just finished my barely 3.5 pages political science essay. took a full 6 hours straight to churn it out. sighz... life is really exciting, too exciting, perhaps. i finished my ethnic studies personal essay (2 page) like on the morning of monday, which took up the entire of my only hour of break before the ethn class.

but finally. im done with the rush, for now. my molecular basis of human diseases gave me a B+ for the midterm. so screwed. and there's 2 midterms next week. i better start studying. soon.

and i have to decide if i shld make one of both of ETHN and POLI from letter grade to pass/fail.

and i shld add this before i forget. today in jap class (after the midterm), my sensei (prof) was gg through the different nationalities and languages. bloddy hell. she introed Singaporeans as CHINESE! 先生すみません! 中国じんがいいません！シンガポルジンです。gosh. i wonder now if she knows where singapore is. hrpmz...

anyway, 10mins more. call darling then im off to bed. i deserve a good sleep after class tmr. i mean today...

topsy turvy, world is falling...

my world is rapidly going downhill...

• i got dropped out of my chronobiology class because i cleanly forgot to force-add the class, even though i checked studentlink over ten times a day for class vacancies.
• i added molecular basis of human diseases on the last possible day for adding. attended zero lectures, 1 review session, and took the first midterms. needless to say, i screwed it up. possibly a B, or worse.
• although i started off disliking ethic studies - population histories, i am enjoying it as it developed. but liking it doesnt mean doing well in it. today's section was abt grp discussions on several issues we have been reading abt. i could contribute so little. and i shld add that i was late for class. casually strolling along library walk at 9.05am, thinking i was early for the 9.30 class at york. wondered why the sch was so empty, and soon realised that class started at 9, not 9.30. its FRIDAY, for god's sake. =(
• i like polisci. but the class is progressing at a different level frm me. i dont even know if i know my stuff. what stuff is there??? sheesh. scary tots, esp when a 20% paper is due on wed.
• jap was supposed to be easy. but easy doesnt mean no need to study. i couldnt understand my sensei's qns today. had trouble talking the talk.
• the only easy thing left is mol bio. which i wonder if ill screw since i havent read the text since a week ago. midterms in a week.
• and last, and not least, my supposed research attachment in VA hospital, which still has no news yet. if im screwing up so badly without this time-drainer, what will happen when i start work at the lab???
  

simple put... im screwed.

playing this weekend at a house near you: THE BIG CATCHUP GAME

my cyborg name. :p

Close to You - Karen Mok

Why do birds suddenly appear
Every time you are near
Just like me, they long to be
Close to you

Why do stars fall down from the sky
Every time you walk by
Just like me, they long to be
Close to you

Chorus:
On the day that you were born
The angels got together
And decided to create a dream come true
So they sprinkled moon dust
in your hair of gold
And starlight in your eyes of blue

That is why all the girls in town
Follow you all around
Just like me, they long to be
Close to you

(Repeat Chorus)

Just like me, they long to be
Close to you

p/s: originally by the Carpenters

On Man and His Curiosity...

Desire to know why, and how, curiosity; such as is in no living creature but man: so that man is distinguished, not only by his reason, but also by this singular passion from other animals; in whom the appetite of food, and other pleasures of sense, by predominance, take away the care of knowing causes; which is a lust of the mind, that by a perseverance of delight in the continual and indefatigable generation of knowledge, exceedeth the short vehemence of any carnal pleasure.

- Taken from Thomas Hobbes's Leviathan, Part I, Chapter VI

randomtots will be changing host soon... some lamentations

ive just paid USD 115 for a 2 year hosting plan with dreamhost. terminating my singapore isp 's hosting (Qala). although it felt nice the past two years for bragging rights to using a business-oriented Singapore internet startup with only a couple hundred residential users, its costing me too much. and there's no one using it at home anyway, so...

feeling slightly melancholic. i was backing up my files frm Qala's servers, which reminded me of the past 2+ years (ive started randomtots since Dec 2001). truly a lot has happened, from the army days, to my first research experience, to leaving the country to come to SD. not to mention all the personal stuff, from my great 21st bday party, to the numerous movies ive watched and reviewed here, amazing sg race, the macritchie runs, the books ive read and reviewed, the rubbish ive blogged, the amazingly stressed out words i wrote here to relieve my daily stress in the army, and of course, not to mention the new person in my life, which took up all the time i had to do the other stuff mentioned above...

and lets not forget, the numerous facelifts that randomtots had gone thru. the hours after hours, late nights (or rather, early mornings)... the php ive picked up, the js, vbs, phpBB, geeklog, vbulletin... this site has seen them all.

all this, and so much more other lamentation on life et al, stored on the 100mb qala. and, something ive been pondering this while, which i may be deleting. for good.

why not back it all up? i dunno. i want to. but know i shouldnt. one shouldnt always hang onto the past, like a floating plank out at sea, clinging onto the only reality i like and i want to preserve. sink or swim, they say, with full hopes that ull do the latter. (but well, if u sink at least theres no body to bury, and saves all the hassle... =( )

i still dunno if i shld back it up. if i forget abt it, ill simply lose all data when the time comes...
hopefully ill find the answer in my dreams tonight.

p/s: oh sheesh... im gonna be late for jap class!!!